I ran and ran...

Two parallels crossed paths this weekend, a friend of mine was running into or I should say away from the same form that has crossed her vision for the past 14 years, and as she is afraid of realizing what the answer will be she runs away from it, terrified she tucks the truth in a hidden corner in her heart.

As I walked in the snow/rain/mush late at night, I began to ponder what if anything I am running towards or from. I think my adopted city has allowed me to unleash years of not being able to run anywhere. I have retraced my steps in every neighborhood and borough a hundred times over and my eyes and feet keep looking for something different to appear. I look for it in faded signs, manuscripts and photos, yet I don't know what it is I'm searching for. Somethings have defined their shape or purpose over time, but others are still vague, shadows that pass over my vision at night, never revealing their true form. Maybe I'm suppose to stop to get a better look, but part of me is afraid that if I stopped running, I won't find what it is I'm meant to see.

looking up

I don't think I will ever understand the rage of thinking one can type and walk at the same time, feet dragging as if the person is trying to waddle their way through quicksand. Or screaming so loudly into a phone as if the person is desperate to call attention to themselves and the conversation they are having with the anonymous person on the other end of the line. As for me, whenever I need to be reminded of an age where people had common sense ( don't get me wrong, they had their faults) all I do is look up and see things like this...

or this....

there was only one time I looked down and that was an odd occurrence.

Giving Thanks

giving thanks for all of my blessings that have come to me in the past year....

Thanks to those few who have given me courage and inspiration in following my dream(s) even when the road has and does get twisted...you know who you are...

Thanks to my family and friends...

Thanks for being able to live in another city far away from the drama...

Thanks to all the little pleasant surprises that have come along on my crazy journey...

and thanks for the opportunity to explore new things in the year ahead...

fragments

a piece written here, notes scribbled from years before, tucked away in corners and hidden in jumbles of nonsense, resurfacing to be put to use, fire the cylinders again..

you can tell alot about a person by what they say,,,

random dialogue between myself and a colleague:

Omari: " So have you found any new stuff with that music you listen to?"

Me: "Yeah."

O: Surprised, " yeah? like what?"

Me: "Henry Burr"

O: " Is he a modern singer?"

Me: No, he was big back then, original recordings from 1903 to 1928"

Omari: " Can you get that on i-tunes?"

Me: pausing, " Umm, I don't know, I don't download music from the internet, I'm not that technological"

O: mouth dropping, " You don't? where do you get this stuff from?"

Me: " JR Music"

Omari: pausing, " so you don't listen to any modern music at all?"

Me: " Sure...when I'm at the gym, but in my everyday life no, it stops at 1945, 1900 to 1945"

O: Do you have an I-Pod?"

Me: " no, I don't like them, I do have a small mp3 player though."

O: " Oh, ok" walks away shaking his head in amazement.

I walk away drowned in my own thoughts...

night visit to the cathedral

I had walked by it hundreds of times before, having no interest to stop in. But I decided to venture in during the summer when I was hit with quite a heavy load of curve balls I wasn't use to and I needed to unload the iron anchor in my head. So one day I walked in and sat in the church where F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald were married on a cold morning in 1920, the vast open space and stained glass windows offering a quietness I had been searching for. I ventured back a week later to observe a service that was not of my faith and although I was completely confused by the sit, stand, kneel and mumbling of verses as I flipped through a booklet that was of no help, the stone structure held a sway over me.

This time I went by accident, I was actually in route to pay a night visit to the library and happened to stop in. The pulpit ( I guess that's what it would be called, though it's larger than any I've ever seen) was shrouded in darkness, only the bright dim lights of prayer candles left by hundreds of souls praying for lost causes, good will or I imagine just guidance flickered on the sides. I walked through its vaulted doorway, down the street, headed up the steps of the library past Patience and Fortitude and was disappointed to see the doorway to the microfiche room closed...I had arrived too late. But I did enjoy the detour and got to break in my new walking sneakers. They need it with the untrodden paths I'm always on.

perspective

you never know what awaits you on the other side until you have the courage to look over the wall... still climbing on many fronts, scratched knees and bruised knuckles but it's ok...it's all worth it. Everyday.