Sunday, December 27, 2009
Pull into the station, tired and wet, soul folds up into a compact box.
Twelve hours of television, more than I've seen in a year. Getting restless and spaced out. People file in and out of my vision.
what's this? that looks like home on the tube...Broadway Danny Rose, Donnie Brasco, Night and the City...
next morning, volume goes down, sign of "the talk"
"you are restrictive." Actually I'm the opposite, I think wanting to run out is not restrictive.
" I wish you had some of your old personality." I don't.
Same old accusations...
I wanna go home, one more day...
next morning, soul starting to burst at the seems of the box. Dragging two bags, one that came with stuff I needed and the other filled with stuff I didn't ask for but I can use.
Heading on the train that soon becomes standing room only to the island of misfit toys. Box unfolds again, soul unleashes in full fury.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
So I went in and for an hour or more tried on gowns and pretended I was going to some society ball like in the old days, when the New York Times actually had a society section that announced things like "miss so-and-so had her annual tea party at the Plaza last evening and wore a gown of blue taffeta." Then I made my way to a vintage clothing store and tried on jackets from the 30's and 40's. Nice too, and within my budget except those jackets would match nothing in my present wardrobe. I would need the shoes, skirt, blouse and little hat to go along with it. Maybe a fox neck piece to compliment it all, but that's a project I don't have the time for right now... but maybe later. In the meantime, it was nice to live in a time warp for a bit.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles, and
milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were
and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles , and
may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone
for whatever we lose, like a you or a me
it's always ourselves we find in the sea.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
sometimes you have to step back to realize how unique an experience is, as you can become so submerged in it, or don't give it a second thought, until you are holding it up in contrast to something else. Every one of my connections here in my adopted home have manifested themselves from a single moment or action and has turned into extraordinary journeys that will remain with me for a lifetime..
the friend I met for the first time riding the subway years ago as she was peering over my shoulder and was interested in the book I was reading which happened to be by and about Polly Adler..anyone who is familiar with old New York will know who she is..
with said friend, got into a choir concert for free this past Friday and was given a Hanukkah present even though I'm not Jewish ( she is), of hand stitched scented satchels made out of tablecloths and pillowcases from the 1930's. They are sitting on my dresser in the blue and white bag she put them in.
the neighbor in my apartment house, who has lived in said apartment with her now deceased husband for over 30 years and he in turn grew up in since his parents moved there in 1928, the father's name still written on the door and the old telephone wiring from the 1930's that still runs along the baseboards ( I discovered that when she wanted me to help her program a new answering machine and got distracted when I realized what the strange painted cord was)..
said neighbor giving without me asking, the schoolbook of a deceased neighbor who had been 100 years old when she passed, brittle and fraying at the seams in a old zip lock bag and containing an almost 90 year old mail in coupon for makeup rouge..
pursuing the ledger book of the man with the broken nose and fedora who opened a whole array of connections with a group of talented people whose insight and encouragement I am profoundly grateful for, this journey is still in production...
and today, having coffee and cake with a new friend and gaining invaluable insight.. :)
Sunday, December 6, 2009
As I walked in the snow/rain/mush late at night, I began to ponder what if anything I am running towards or from. I think my adopted city has allowed me to unleash years of not being able to run anywhere. I have retraced my steps in every neighborhood and borough a hundred times over and my eyes and feet keep looking for something different to appear. I look for it in faded signs, manuscripts and photos, yet I don't know what it is I'm searching for. Somethings have defined their shape or purpose over time, but others are still vague, shadows that pass over my vision at night, never revealing their true form. Maybe I'm suppose to stop to get a better look, but part of me is afraid that if I stopped running, I won't find what it is I'm meant to see.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
there was only one time I looked down and that was an odd occurrence.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanks to those few who have given me courage and inspiration in following my dream(s) even when the road has and does get twisted...you know who you are...
Thanks to my family and friends...
Thanks for being able to live in another city far away from the drama...
Thanks to all the little pleasant surprises that have come along on my crazy journey...
and thanks for the opportunity to explore new things in the year ahead...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Omari: " So have you found any new stuff with that music you listen to?"
O: Surprised, " yeah? like what?"
Me: "Henry Burr"
O: " Is he a modern singer?"
Me: No, he was big back then, original recordings from 1903 to 1928"
Omari: " Can you get that on i-tunes?"
Me: pausing, " Umm, I don't know, I don't download music from the internet, I'm not that technological"
O: mouth dropping, " You don't? where do you get this stuff from?"
Me: " JR Music"
Omari: pausing, " so you don't listen to any modern music at all?"
Me: " Sure...when I'm at the gym, but in my everyday life no, it stops at 1945, 1900 to 1945"
O: Do you have an I-Pod?"
Me: " no, I don't like them, I do have a small mp3 player though."
O: " Oh, ok" walks away shaking his head in amazement.
I walk away drowned in my own thoughts...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
This time I went by accident, I was actually in route to pay a night visit to the library and happened to stop in. The pulpit ( I guess that's what it would be called, though it's larger than any I've ever seen) was shrouded in darkness, only the bright dim lights of prayer candles left by hundreds of souls praying for lost causes, good will or I imagine just guidance flickered on the sides. I walked through its vaulted doorway, down the street, headed up the steps of the library past Patience and Fortitude and was disappointed to see the doorway to the microfiche room closed...I had arrived too late. But I did enjoy the detour and got to break in my new walking sneakers. They need it with the untrodden paths I'm always on.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
there are still some magical moments out there if you know where or more importantly when to look.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Idleness, sorrow, a friend and a foe.
Four be things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter, hope and a sock in the eye.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
took a train ride this past weekend..whenever I get restless I look on the map, find a destination and then sprint towards the Metro North Station just in time to hop on board. I realize it's the journey that always seems to matter more to me ( with rare exceptions) cause once I get to said destination I get very antsy. But as I was suffering from a severe case of writer's block, I needed to recharge the cylinders some how. The picture above indicates how far away my topic seemed to be at the time, with me alternating between staring blankly at my screen in the wee hours of the morning or at my notes... and by the time I would think of something I had to prepare for work the next day. I think the trip worked, it doesn't seem as far away.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Me being the odd ball of the family, I rarely discuss what goes on in my life, as I know it will be pulled apart, analyzed and crushed to the size of pea by the time the said individual is done. So this past weekend was no different. I was glad to see everyone but was very grateful to be on the Amtrak train heading home. How the topic came up about the age old mantra of "your family will be there for you, your friends won't", I have no idea, but it got me thinking about the many variations "family" can have. There's the family that you are born with, the one you didn't ask for, complete with flaws you never knew existed until you are old enough to comprehend it on your own, the one that no matter how much you change and grow, sometimes refuse to see you for who you are as a person verses trying to force you into a box to fit their emotional needs.
And then, there is the "family" you make. I don't just mean finding a counterpart and beginning a new generation, but any group of people that you know would be in your corner, minus the blood ties. I've had an equal if not greater contribution from the second group over the past couple of years in ways that I could never imagine. It's the friend who in the dark of night insisted on giving me cab fare to the hospital when I thought I needed to go to the emergency room..and me getting groceries for her when she had been ill for a week and lugging them up a fifth floor walkup. It's the friend who listens to me from over 3000 miles aways and eagerly awaits what new thing I will find in old dusty boxes, and is never too busy to return a phone call. The friends who came all the way from Brooklyn to help me set up my first apartment...that was alot considering I could rarely get them out of the borough . :)
That's family too...but then again I never was a square peg so maybe my views are a little different.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
and continue to put a vast puzzle together from old newspaper clippings and photos and then pulling my hair out later as it's strew across my floor cause I am trying to find one sentence written in 1931, or is it 1935? oh well, at least I know there is a method to my madness...