Saturday, September 11, 2010

blind spot

I bought it in a store downtown while in a weird mood. I needed something to replace what use to be in the spot. Something given to me by someone close to me. Something I couldn't bear to look at anymore cause it didn't represent what it use to. For too long a time I ignored the signs that things were different cause I didn't have the energy to go down that road. So confusion and fear got tucked in a corner. And then little by little I brought the pieces out and although I didn't like it I began to reflect on them and they were all adding up to the same conclusion. Then there were the clever let-me-pretend-she-won't-see signs that I wasn't suppose to pick up on but I did.

And then came the spot on the wall. The physical reminder in my face. The replacement hit me full blast in what I tried to cover for so long. So now my home is empty of all reminders. Except for the one in my chest and though I don't feel pain it hurts like hell. I guess this is the closest thing I've come to in having a broken heart and I don't like it. I don't like it one fucking bit.

Too bad there isn't a replacement for that.


c.o. moed said...

yeah. but when it breaks, it breaks open.

bucko said...

Ouch. A wince. A small spot, but so big. Too big to be covered over.

Alana said...

yes, one needed to be wiped clean and the other as CO says needed to break open. So a painful cleansing process indeed. Research subject has been a good outlet for channeling energy. hope it does some good.